Manchild

George hits double figures this weekend – he'll be ten weeks old – and he's starting his bad habits early.

The first ones – and the obvious ones – are the burping after meals and the farting. Noises so grown-up that his parents often have to ask each other if it was them or George who trumpeted in such a mighty fashion.

George has now spotted the TV, which has become a bit of a distraction at feeding time. You can see his train of thought – 'boob or TV? boob or TV?'. Usually boob wins and George will throw his head in the direction of lunch.

He's had a bit of a snuffle this week too, and not just a baby snuffle – this one's a real manly cold. And even though there's this Swine Flu going round, it's more likely to be Wine Flu in our house. Anyway, he's coped with it pretty well and has even made something of a game out of it. A bit like one of those bash-the-mole-on-the-head-when-he-pops-up games, mummy and daddy have been playing 'Catch the Bogey'. Just when you think you've got it, it shoots back up his nose.

Another game we've been playing is 'Guess What He's Trying to Say'. Obviously he isn't trying to say anything at ten weeks, but the gurgling sounds are becoming more phonetically recognisable. Mummy's been repeating "m-m-m-m-m" sounds in the hope that George's first word might be "mummy". Daddy's been going "d-d-d-d-d". Then, when George does make a sound, mummy will say, "hey, that sounded like 'momma' to me", and daddy will disagree – "no, surely it was 'dodecahedron'".

There's a long way to go before he's actually talking, but the manly behaviour is picking up pace – he has even started hogging the sofa!

One small step...

George has moved into his own room – that's one small step for George, one giant leap for his parents – and I'm not sure if we're getting any more sleep.

The monitor isn't as sensitive as human ears and instead of being able to hear his every sigh and whimper, all we get are the louder noises. So the knock-on effect is that we lie awake, holding our breath, head off the pillow, straining to hear the slightest noise coming through the little, white walkie-talkie thing on the bedside table.

After a little while the agitation sets in and there's nothing else for it but to get up and check on our little fella – only to find he is indeed making those sleepy gurgling sounds and probably has been all along.

Apart from keeping us awake – even when he isn't making any noise – George has had some other strange effects on mummy and daddy. For example, when mummy picks up the phone she has found herself rocking back and forth as if she's trying to send the person on the other end of the line to sleep. Daddy on the other hand has started to walk around like he's Danny Zuko or one the T-Birds – if he didn't have a crying baby in his arms he'd need a leather jacket and a quiff (not much chance of that).

The strangest one though, is when mummy and daddy kiss each other goodnight. First they kiss, then they cuddle, then they rub each others back, then pat each others back, then finally they burp in each others ear and fall happily asleep – until the monitor makes a noise or, of course, stays quiet.

The firsts of many

George is on a journey of many firsts, and mummy and daddy are there to enjoy them too. His first trips out went pretty much without a hitch – in fact he slept through most of them.

The fruit and veg counter at the local supermarket seems to make George's eyes light up, and we just hope that in future he'll be just as excited about the tastes as he is about the colours. He's not so keen on the checkout though, and we've deduced that that is down to the trolley coming to a halt.

And George was particularly well behaved at a recent Christening. He managed to keep his face and clothes free of baby sick the whole time – unless that was down to mummy's adept skill with the muslin. In fact, daddy didn't see him for most of the day as mummy and grandma passed him from pillar to post.

His first smile was a special moment and ever since mummy and daddy have been carefully scrutinising each smile to make sure it's not just wind.

There are many more firsts to come – after all he's only seven and a half weeks old – the walking, the talking, the tooth, the bike and the zoo. And it's the zoo that concerns me most...

We already have a collection of wild animals, in particular a selection of elephants that range from stripy red ones to purple and green spotty ones and multi-coloured patchwork ones. I'm just wondering what George's reaction will be when he finds out they're all grey.

Along with that, we all know how to impersonate animal noises – elephants, monkeys, parrots, lions and tigers, cows,

pigs and sheep – but what will George think when he finds

out the giraffe doesn't jovially say "Hello George... how are you today?"?

Law of the Fairground

Probably not a major breakthrough in the world of newborn baby science, but I think I've discovered that babies first learn the main rule in the Law of the Fairground.

Breastfeeding may come naturally and those little, puckering, pouty sucks that George does in his sleep are simply a somnolent precursor to fairground mayhem.

Daddy can't sleep when his little George is grunting and sighing through the night, and when George stops making those noises, daddy can't sleep until he starts them again. Then all of a sudden comes the full-blown 'wah' and it's action all stations for mummy and daddy, whatever the time (more often for mummy because she's the one with the boobs).

Luckily for mummy, she can have a sleep in the day and daddy gets to look after little George when there's no one around to hear him sing and make silly noises and play games like introducing him to the kitchen utensils... "This is a fish slice". Of course George isn't always impressed – perhaps it would have been beneficial to explain what a fish was first.

Anyway, the old 'life is a rollercoaster' cliche has been over used many a time, possibly with some justification. After all, there are many ups and downs when enjoying life as a new family – the ups are higher than the high thing in High Street, High Town and the downs, in actual fact, aren't that much lower... just tiring. There are also the waltzers – round and round and round – and sometimes you do feel as if you're getting nowhere... but it's still a thrill.

And even though George has never seen a fish, a rollercoaster or a waltzer there's one thing he knows for sure – the louder he screams the faster we (mummy and daddy) go. Surely the main rule in the Law of the Fairground.

Lucky dad

According to some, having bird poo land on you is meant to be lucky. I don't know how this adage came about but if it is true then apparently I'm luckier than most.

There aren't many who can say they have had a seagull poo on their nose, yet it doesn't feel very lucky when you have to turn to your friends to ask them what the warm sensation on the end of your nose actually is.

This week I've been particularly lucky. While sitting in the garden, a swift, at least 50 or 60 feet in the air, managed to land one on my bare foot – at least this one had time to cool on its descent and was considerably smaller.

But luckiest of all was the projectile poo that shot from my son's bare botty as I changed his nappy. Having been left to look after him for a short while I had managed to cope with the feeding from a bottle of expressed milk, the burping ritual and keeping him entertained and was hoping mummy would be back before the nappy-change business.

Not so. George wanted his nappy changing and he wanted it doing now. So reluctantly daddy, having watched mummy do it many times, decided to give it a go. After all, after five minutes of yuk would come the joy of peace and quiet and a happy, little, not-so-red-faced baby.

George couldn't have picked his moment better – nappy off, mummy arriving home with grandma and grandad in tow and daddy holding baby's feet in the air.

Mummy took over the nappy changing while daddy went and changed himself and the grandparents chuckled away and archived their first anecdote for many future social occasions when they might feel it necessary to embarrass daddy or George.

Daddy doesn't mind though. After waiting for quite some time for George to come along, he feels very lucky indeed – perhaps George just wanted to emphasise the point.