George's rules of outdoor play

It's a sunny day and we're enjoying a morning outside in the garden – we have set up the paddling pool and the water toys, the umbrella, the sunloungers, put a blanket on the grass, opened the patio doors to the kitchen and conservatory and put Bebel Gilberto on the iPod. Everything set for an enjoyable, fun and relaxing time in the sun for us all.

But George has his own rules:

1. Soil the last swim nappy without having been near the paddling pool.

2. Instantly jump in the paddling pool the moment he has a clean, ordinary nappy on.

3. Transfer as much sand from the sandpit to the paddling pool and as much water from the paddling pool to the sandpit as possible.

4. Play in the dirt or somewhere slightly hazardous, in fact anywhere apart from on the grass where the toys are.

5. Try to eat the sunscreen lotion.

6. Press as many buttons as possible on daddy's laptop when he's trying to check his email.

7. Ignore water toys and wash and dunk toys not designed for water play – ie. those with batteries or engines. Rosie the engine, one of Thomas's pals, has been almost fully submerged and has passed this test admirably.

8. Wee on a sunlounger (mummy's thankfully).

Needless to say George is the one having the most fun. Hopefully, mummy's sunlounger will be nice and dry by the time she actually gets to sit in it – probably this evening, after George has gone to bed and the sun has gone down. Well, perhaps a glass of wine will make up for it.